LIVING POSITIVELY

My life had been changed a lot since I found out that I’m HIV positive. The good thing is, the change is not negative.  For me, being HIV positive had opened so many doors and opportunities. I get so many chances to learn through various workshop which are exclusively for HIV-positive people. And most of my workshops are regional, so they take place in other countries. Also I`ve gotten chances to be a speaker in various events, meet new people, became a member of new networks and expand my networks. My friends are always waiting for my latest posting in this blog or new picture posted in facebook, just to keep track on me. After all, they are happy for me.

There were times when all my friends thought that I should be resting a lot. That was what they were thinking when I was resigning from my previous company. That I had to and wanted to rest. Taking a break. But when they found out about my new job and how frequently I travelled, they were amazed. How can a positive person travel so much…? Well, don’t mind them. They just don’t really understand the real situation of a positive person. But they finally realized that being HIV positive, I can be as productive as they are, even more! And I’m proud enough to show them that I am still productive.  Something that I wouldn’t be able to do so if I was still working in the private sector.

One of my best friends asked me once, “Have you ever been discriminated or stigmatized because of your status?”. I said, “No”. Maybe I have, but I didn’t realize it. For sure, my friends, none of them changed the relationship after I told them about my status. I opened my status to anyone I want. And should there be any changes after I told them, I just consider they don’t like me. Everybody has the right to like and dislike other people, and should it happen to me, I’m not in the position to complain. I just have to respect their decision. That’s it! It’s that simple and it makes my life lighter. I am not haunted by the negative accusation of people around me. I am fully aware that most of the time those who are positive did the most discrimination and stigmatization against their surrounding or even worse, against themselves. They always think that people will discriminate them, but they never tried to open before they have that conclusion. Doesn’t it mean that they had stigmatized people around them? I don’t recall any discrimination or stigmatization after I told people about my status. It’s the openness that we need to be accepted. To fight stigma and discrimination, I have to be open to my surrounding. And it works! In my opinion, the more people hear the word “HIV positive” and see HIV positive person [in healthy condition], the more they got familiar with the issue, thus the more they accept us. I don’t agree with all the confidentiality and discreetness surrounding HIV. It makes people scared because it’s so well-hidden. Why can’t HIV be treated as any other disease? Openly. So, that people got used to it and don’t consider it as something deadly. It’s not deadlier than diabetes, heart disease, stroke or asthma. For me, bird flu is way much scarier than HIV. People died within a week from bird flu! Isn’t that what we should call “deadly”?

So, being HIV positive isn’t that bad at all! I personally feel that, if I accept my condition humbly, without blaming whoever gave it to me, I will get the redemptions twice or even hundreds of time as much in return. And I have proven that my principle is right! For me, this virus is a blessing in disguise. Something that I shouldn’t question “why me?”.  Instead, it is something that I should be grateful for, something that had closed one door but opened thousands of other doors for me, something that makes me special, something that changed my life so much and that is not worth complaining, whining or crying about. I always believe that something good can come out of anything, in my case, out of this virus inside me. My status does not reduce my dignity and who are you to judge? Only God can judge me! Being HIV negative does not make someone a saint, and being HIV positive does not remotely make someone a sinner.